Dark boeld

I am still skeptical about posting this, but I'll go on with it anyway. It is the first song I am going to admit to fully writing and it came in a dream. Yeah, in a dream, whether you believe it or not. My concern with sharing this song is that even though it captures a reality I have been through, it doesn't represent anything I believe in.It is intended to be one of those black, acid rock songs, and I hope my music skills develop well enough for me to read it someday before I die... . Here goes..

Your light darkens my day

When I see your smile, gloom drowns my heart

You've chained me to your way

You started this fire that burns me from within

Oh, how can I escape

The best thing that turned my world to gray

My reflexes worn out

You make me loathe every inch of life

You have trapped me

You have made my essence sore

My inklings betray me

What I had was what you bore

And nothing can save me

Nothing can piece back what you tore

I have lost the last drop of blood

Only tears run through my veins now

Dust clouds and sulfuric winds 

Is all I have come to know

Salvation seems nearer

It comes in chariots of death

How can this be hope

When it brings more pain than I have ever seen

And how can this be love

When it messes everything I have ever enjoyed

It was all good at the beginning 

Life was beautiful as the sun

You started out slowly

Wiping the surface of me clean of innocence

Now I'm stuck in a pit

Constantly sinking in its mud floor

My spirit has been made poor

Lacking any virtues to hold on to

You have ensnared me

You have made my essence sore

My inklings betray me

What I had was what you bore

And nothing can save me

Nothing can piece back what you tore

I have lost the last drop of blood

Only tears run through my veins now

Dust clouds and sulfuric winds 

Is all I have come to know

Salvation seems nearer

It comes in chariots of death

How can this be hope

When it brings more pain than I have ever seen

And how can this be love

When it messes everything I have ever enjoyed

I just made this last part up... if you feel like this ever, i'll be happy to share how I came out of this.

Read at your own risk

I caught an impression, half an inkling it was, a little larger than a speck of thought.

No it was slightly bigger than a hunch, yes it must have been some ginormous idea, an astronomic epiphany maybe.

Okay, I exaggerate. My words were hitting the ceiling of the universe already. I have out-scaled the essence of measure itself.

I will be calm and remain so. I shall appeal to the quintessence of modesty now. Stay humble dear self.

In all honesty it would have been worth dismissing this thought in the first place. A fart could weigh more on a scale of sensibility. My mind could have been up to no good when I thought about it.

But the truth in all honesty is that I felt like I hit gold when it first came to me. And I felt my ego buffed in the afterthought. Yes it was certainly something of sorts that could as well amount to nothing.

I know I should probably stop swinging my psyche in opposing directions. I am fittingly aware of the effects of frictional thoughts. I should perhaps disclose this thought and leave the judgment of it to beings outside myself.

Therein lies the disappointment. I don’t remember the details of that thought. It was almost as if my mind spat it out the second it was spotted, refusing to be associated with anything that constituted its semblance.

Maybe it’ll come back in the next dream. Or the next fart, or the next spittle…who knows? And when it does, I’ll have the confidence to justify making you read all these words.

For now I've got nothing, and I’m not making any promises. Be kind and unread what I have written as true as they are. Let these words go to waste, make room for them in your trash can.

These words say a lot about me, I know. I stop some conversations as soon as I utter their opening lines. And it pisses people off sometimes. Yet I am not the one to apologize for who I am.

The only explanation to that is that some thoughts take flight before they crystallize in my head. They are short ropes that I have not found use for. My mind discards them but the trash can is somewhere in my head. And I think it mixes up with some pretty nice and beautiful thoughts I've had and messes them up in the process.

Why bother then? Why go all out and even write this and share it with people when most of the stuff I've written may not be shared with anyone ever... I should probably stop this right now...